Should auld acquaintances be forgot?

Based on the imbecile I had the misfortune of sitting next to last evening, I would say the answer to that query is a resounding...YES!

Since I knew a friend of mine would be bartending, I decided to venture out alone and chat with her for a while. The local place she works at is notoriously bereft of humanity on New Years Eve and I figured that just might be the perfect place to relax and enjoy a quiet evening.

More incorrect, I could not have possibly been!

Oh...for a brief time, it wasn't bad. However, she was ready to leave by the time I got there so we spent a few minutes catching up on how things were going, etc. After she departed for the evening, I chatted with the other bartender and we played some music on the jukebox.

Then I noticed someone who looked like a younger version of Brian Doyle Murray sit two seats away from me to play the slot machine. That was, until he went to set his beer down and the gentle force against the machine cracked the glass and sent liquid everywhere. So what did he do? Sidled up to the seat immediately adjacent to me!

At first, the banter seemed relatively normal. Somehow we got on the topic of golf and he said he'd pegged me as a golfer. "Sometimes you just know", he stated boldly.

I've yet to play a round in my life.

Notwithstanding his error in judgment, he proceeded to tell me how he is a tennis fanatic and how much more intricate the sport is in comparison to golf. He described how you have to hit the ball at just the right angles, have patience and control your swing.

Silly me. I thought that's what golf was.

Then he segued abruptly into his lamentation that there were no miniature golf courses in the area. He also added that there should be bumper cars and batting cages too.

He further went on to inform me that he is sitting on a huge inheritance and wanted to combine the aforementioned attractions with carnival rides. He wondered how much something like that would cost.

His fears about finding the money were allayed, however, when he told me that the "sure bet" this year was to place about ten grand on players in the Australian Open. "If you take a large chunk of that cash and place it on the top four players in the Open and scatter the money around on the rest of the field, you're bound to make money!"

Of course you are...but that profit will most likely fall short of the vast amount you'll lose by betting on everyone I would assume. I don't know tennis or really how to place bets on it, but my theory seemed rational--at least to me. He didn't agree and wanted to go obtain the betting sheets to show me.

I highly encouraged that, even going so far as to name casinos with sportsbooks in them scattered way across town. To my dismay, he failed to leave.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he was once homeless and wanted to take $5 bills in a large sack and hand one out to each person he saw. The problem was that he only said he was going to get $100 worth since twenty $5s looks like a lot more than having a $100. I'm not certain how big his sack was going to be or, really, how many people would actually benefit from his foray into philanthropy (I'm guessing twenty, maximum), but, hey...his plan, not mine.

It was well into this part of the conversation that I was furiously texting people, trying to perhaps get him away from me. If he saw that I was preoccupied, maybe he would think about keeping the conversation to a minimum or, even better, letting it die altogether.

Trooper that he was, he was able to sally forth!

I think it was the point where he rambled on about his stint in jail and a sample of his family history that included his uncle inventing a rocket to destroy alien spaceships that lit a fire under me to head home.

As it happens, this wasn't even the end of the festivities for the night for another imbecile awaited me at home. You guessed it! Yoko!

Since she had previously watched the first season of Dexter and loved it, she naturally wanted to see season 2 (which I happened to have). Ok, hey, I'm game for watching an episode or two since I love the show.

As they recapped season 1, her face crinkled in confusion.

"I don't remember any of this. How did it end?", she asked aloud.

"You did watch that first season, right?", I inquired.

"Yeah, but I never saw any of this."

A real fan. Then again, this is the same self proclaimed Chicago Bears fan who didn't miss a snap of preseason in 2007, but, when it came time to follow the regular season, found her interest waning to the point of totally abandoning watching them at all.

So into the first episode we go.

I could tell she was riveted as her eyes never watched the TV while she texted on her phone. During the first 10 minutes, I was asked several questions about what was going on.

Thankfully, her phone rang and, when she went into her bedroom to take the call, I shut everything down and headed to bed.

Added to these festivities was Jack peeing on the floor once from inside his cage while I was out and again a second time in my bedroom sometime during the course of the night. Oddly enough, he hadn't done anything like this for 2 months. Perhaps her arrival had something to do with that as well. Hmmmm...curiouser and curiouser...

I'm glad the new year kicked off in grand fashion! I certainly hope more mentally deranged people lie ahead for me in future adventures as I really don't get enough of them on a daily basis.