Quick Quips and Alarming Absurdities

Sometimes I can't help but laugh...

Today at work, they mentioned that it's important to pay attention to the hours so that I don't go into overtime. I asked how much overtime I had last week, thinking that I couldn't have deviated too far from the schedule.

It was barely a half hour.

Now from a managerial standpoint, I know it's important to control costs, monitor payroll, etc. But when I crunched the numbers, I realized that it probably wasn't detrimental to a multi-million dollar corporation if they had to shell out...SIX DOLLARS!

I had this image of the CEO sitting on a pile of cash like Scrooge McDuck, yelling "There's no way in HELL we're letting this guy wet his beak like this. Read him the riot act!"

So the only way I can get through these days is by screwing with people...like...

1) I was in the magazine section when a woman approached me and said...

"Do you have Grace?"

Without pause, I replied...

"Yes...I have rhythm, style and flair too..."

2) A girl on her cell phone came in to pick up books that we had on hold. As I walked her down to the other end of the counter, she was obviously finishing up her conversation and said...

"I love you."

...while looking in my direction. When she snapper her phone shut, I said..

"Aww...I love you too. I know we haven't known each other but ten seconds but I could feel there was a connection."

She seemed perplexed.

3) I asked a woman paying for her books if she had a membership card. She abruptly cut me off with a "No!" I then asked if she was aware of it. Even before I completed the sentence, she again stopped me cold with a resounding "No!" I then said...

"Okaaaaay. Guess you're pretty adamant about that then."

She was obviously frustrated and said...

"How would you feel spending hours shopping with two girls?"

Without missing a beat, I added...

"Depends on how old the girls were."

At least it made the woman behind her laugh out loud...

Sometimes, at least I make other people laugh too!