"You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin...
Do you dare to stay out?
Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose?
How much can you win?
--"Oh The Places You'll Go", Dr. Seuss
I was badly in need of a good haircut and, honestly, there's only one of two people ever who cut my hair the way I like it.
However, I haven't seen one since my college days and I'm not driving 1500 miles to Milwaukee on the remote chance she might still be there after 20 years.
The other, as fortune would have it, is right here in Pittsburgh. What are the chances she'd still be at the same place?
Turns out, odds were in my favor (for once).
So I made an appointment and saw an old friend I hadn't seen in eight years. What's even weirder is that everyone else at the place was still there and remembered me.
So we chatted and caught up in the brief time we had.
Then things took a weird turn.
Another woman that worked there (who looked vaguely familiar), asked if I was Ed's son (since she noticed my last name on the computer). I said that I was. Then she told me that she used to cut my mom's hair when I was little. She remembered where we lived and it brought back memories for both if us.
I actually did remember her and her family. She told me that she's still friends with my dad (whom I've seen maybe a dozen times since my parents divorced 30 years ago)...
...and added that he's not doing well as his throat cancer has returned. She was trying to extol his virtues to me, telling me that he's a great guy and that I remind her a lot of him.
I mentioned the falling out we had about 15 years ago and I haven't seen him since. Then I added that I can understand why they got divorced since my mom isn't exactly the easiest person to get along with.
(Let's put it this way...Gandhi would take a swing at her.)
The woman thanked me because she thought that I'd take my mom's side in the whole ordeal. Hey...I know my mom pretty well. Love her to death but she's apt to cause trouble and sometimes act like a child when she doesn't get her way. Yelling is her way of "debating" an issue or discussing something.
Anyway...this woman mentioned that maybe it was meant to be--me coming back here at this point--to try and reconnect with him.
Of that I'm not so sure.
I mean, we've been estranged for years now. Besides, it's not like I want anything from him. Nor do I need to berate him or anything.
So I suppose what I'm wrangling with ultimately is...
What do I dare? To stay out or go in?
Is there anything to lose...or win?
In the end,
"I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today"
--"Blue Monday", New Order
So, self...how does it feel?
I don't know...so far, not one way or the other...
Maybe I shouldn't have come back where the windows are so dark...
