Saturday Observations

I abhor doing resumes. I especially despise toiling away on them to upload on a potential employer's website only to discover that you still have to fill in all the information anyway!

The Tribe seems to be off to a blazing start this year as 2008's Cy Young winner, Cliff Lee, drops to 0-2. What is it with that team having reigning Cy Young winners falter right out of the gate? It happened with Sabathia too....but he's consistent because he stumbles out of the gate every year. This year, however, he doesn't have a nice, cushy NL Central division to fall back upon for victories. And I hate the Yankees!


I caught a picture of Tiger in the green at the Masters. Unless they're starting to make the jacket out of foliage, I don't think he'll be wearing one this year. I like Tiger--especially since he gets people to watch golf that normally wouldn't. Not to mention the fact that he's incredibly talented. He'll be back to form...give him time!

It's amazing what a difference there is in the topography between cities like Las Vegas and Pittsburgh. It's difficult getting re-acclimated to driving on roads that are narrow and replete with hills as opposed to the wide open expanse of Vegas. However, it's nice to deal with people that don't have a wide open expanse between their ears as possessed by most of the population in Vegas.

I'm only a scant few chapters into Columbine by Dave Cullen but I can tell you that thus far, it grabs you and prods you to want to read more! Seems the reviews I've read about how well written it is are right on the mark.

I caught a promo on the Discovery International channel about a special on cults that airs next Friday. I had forgotten that the Jonestown massacre was the largest loss of American civilian life until 9/11. Amazing how we forget the little details over time. (Not that it's an insignificant detail...just curious as to how not many people even remember that event nor mention the amount of life lost.)

Speaking of "Lost", it's still the most interesting show on TV (come on...you didn't think I'd go much longer without mentioning it did you? ;) ) I still have my fingers crossed that it doesn't end up like the X-Files, which drowned in its own mythology.

And finally upon reading these observations again, why is it that I have the voice of Larry King in my head? Now you will too!

:D

Happy Easter everyone!

Wowsie Wowsie Woo Woo

This is exactly how I felt today...like a Schleprock!

This morning was filled with the hope that I could unload all of the books I didn't want at a used bookstore here in Vegas. See, back in PA and Ohio, they have a great place called Half Price Books where they'll buy anything, anytime. It's also handy for locating hard to find books, CDs, DVDs, etc.

However, they don't have that here...

It was a good thing I contacted the two major used bookstores out here before loading up the car with 4 large boxes of books. The first place I called asked what kind of books I had. When I told them fiction, nonfiction and things of that ilk, the employee stated that they don't usually buy fiction books and were looking for tomes on military history. Sadly, I only had a huge collection of Himalayan Occult guides and, therefore, was completely out of luck. It only figures that places in Vegas would be looking for non fiction books and things of that nature since everyone is so grounded in reality out here...

The second place (much lauded for being the best used bookstore in the city) said that there wasn't enough in the budget to buy books. Ok, that I can completely understand in this economy. However...I've been in that place before. Many of the shelves were barren. What is hard for me to grasp, though, is a business turning down the exact product that they sell. Wouldn't you think that the more diversity you have to offer in terms of what the public wants, the more sales you would have? Maybe I'm crazy that way...

So, as a result, I now have to spend a great deal of money to ship those books back home, costing me much more than I had originally intended.

Later I went to purchase some more boxes. Of course I bought the wrong size since that's how my day was going and had to return those as well in exchange for smaller ones.

After my friend and I grabbed some lunch, I was driving out of the parking lot and was approaching a stop sign. Not only did I stop for that, but also a pedestrian who was crossing the street. Since I know that drivers out here aren't the best in the world, I always am careful to watch who's coming the other way. No one was.

That is, until some miscreant in an expensive car came barreling toward me, insisting that he had the right of way. I would have hated to tell him had he wrecked into me that he would have been at fault since he would have hit the rear of my car. It wasn't the fact that he was coming toward me...it was the fact that he actually hit the gas as he approached me.

Honestly, the way my day was going, he would have been extremely sorry if a fender bender ensued.

I guess I just don't understand why people feel a sense of entitlement to do whatever they please out here without the thought or caring of another human. Perhaps that's why I just can't connect with people from the West or Southwest.

As an interesting footnote on the entitlement observation...Yoko suddenly decided that her trip to the hospital after an accident she had late last year (while she fell asleep at the wheel due to taking painkillers, mind you) wasn't really up to snuff and, as a result, is planning on filing not one, but FOUR, lawsuits. I guess she started pointing fingers out of the blue when she realized she's running low on cash.

Again...that's the "get rich quick" mentality that people seem to suffer from out here.

*Sigh*...17 more days

The Final Four

"We think we've come so far
On all our lies we depend
We face our consequence
This is the beginning of the end"
--The Beginning of the End, Nine Inch Nails

"And that's where we're going...back to the beginning. Not the bang...not the word. The true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride. And I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process."
--Evil Thingy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Those of you expecting me to delve into the realm of the NCAA Tournament might be a little disappointed since this post has nothing to do with sports.

Rather, today marked the beginning of the end of my tenure in Las Vegas with only four weeks remaining. Oddly enough, it will be exactly 2 1/2 years to the date that I arrived in this desert mecca.

I think I stayed a year and a half too long...

There are many reasons why I've decided to go, but until reading the book A$$hole: How I Got Rich & Happy By Not Giving A Damn About Anyone & How You Can Too by Martin Kihn, I never fully realized the true reason...

I was becoming one.

There's a lot of truth to the theory that posits that you are shaped by your environment.

Because there are a LOT of a$$holes out here!

Funny thing about that book is that it really doesn't turn out the way one might expect--and that was probably the very thing I appreciated most about it.

See...I never came out here to become rich. Happy? Well, that would have been a bonus.

I recall the first time I visited back in the spring of 2006. After traipsing from one casino to the other, I immediately noticed that 1) all of them were virtually the same and 2) they wouldn't be places where I would be spending a great deal of time.

And I was right.

Flash never appealed to me. Substance does...and oh, does this place lack substance. Culturally, it's bereft of anything to offer unless you're one of those who are dazzled by people and things twirling in the air or lavish shows that last about a decade.

And as for the a$$holes that inhabit this city? Let me be the first to acknowledge that they are indeed everywhere. All you have to do is go through your day in any city in the world and you'll find them. But this place is replete with them...and most are transplants from California. (In fact in this turbulent economy which sees people fleeing Cali for other places across the US, the state might want to adopt the slogan "Move to California...many of the a$$holes have moved to Vegas!" to attract residents.)

Funny thing is...I'm not the only one who feels that way. I remember a conversation shortly after I moved here. I was talking to a woman and her husband (who happened to be a director on one of my favorite shows of all time, Get Smart) and when I told her I had just moved here, she warily eyed me up and asked where from. After I told her, she sighed with relief and told me that she was glad I didn't say California because "those people have ruined this town" for natives and longtime residents.

I can completely see her point...and she's not the only one who voiced this opinion over the years.

You see...people here are delusional. Many have this vision of an elaborate and successful future that never seems to materialize--mostly because they just hope it happens! "Positive thinking" is a very big deal out here. I've never heard so many people mention that and I've lived in several different cities across the US.

I've been lambasted by several people for not being a "positive thinker". To me, that's just like praying. You're either going to make it happen, it's going to happen by some degree of good fortune or it's not going to happen. There is no mystical force that explains everything (unless you have Midi-Chlorians in your bloodstream, but that's another story). And, to top it all off, most of the so called "positive thinkers" are currently seeing their lives devastated by the economy. Losing their homes, being forced to relocate or just in general disarray, they still claim that with "positive thinking", things will work out.

I suppose I just don't understand that. If that worked, then why wouldn't you just sit at home and think positively all day about all good things coming your way? There's really no need to leave your home if that's the case! Frankly, this "feel good" movement baffles me and I think it's part of the reason this country's in the shape it is right now. Keep denying reality and watch how fast things fall apart and the center of "positive thinking" doesn't hold (thanks Yeats).

Which brings me to a prime example of the delusional "positive thinker"--my roommate's girlfriend whom I've always referred to as Yoko from day one. Why? Well, she's caused somewhat of a rift in the friendship. Personally, I think she's a complete moron and there are many prime examples as to why.

Since Yoko moved in, she's wanted to: 1) win an AVN award (for the part time business that she's in), 2) become a web designer (though she only reached page 76 of Web Design for Dummies and abandoned that idea when it became too technical), 3) study to be a vet's assistant (which she revealed to me while wearing a full length genuine fur coat) and 4) go back to school to become a mortician because "they make $5,000 a month".

The last one had me intrigued since I wasn't aware that morticians made that much so I looked up the median salaries for that profession online. The high average per year is a few grand shy of $50,000. Of course she never bothered to research that--instead, when asked by my roommate where she found that information, she told him that she "heard it somewhere".

In addition to this, she would consistently ask one or both of us for advice. We both advised her to stay with the current profession (which probably won't garner her an award), make as much money as possible as her window of opportunity is closing fast (she's 42), save it and really look into what she might want to pursue afterward. Instead, she blew all of that money on eBay items, bailing herself out of idiotic jams induced by sleep aids and painkillers and all around stupidity.

However, she and other simpletons I know keep falling into one opportunity after another, somehow making money.

Now on this point, someone that I know said that I was being envious because I consistently brought these people up as I queried as to how they kept falling into money!

Let me say for the record that I was never one to covet material things and those who know me well know that. I've had wealthy friends throughout my life from grade school to high school, through college and up to today. I don't care about being rich. What I'm flummoxed about is how these certain people keep getting offered chances to make large sums of money regardless of whether these opportunities are valid or just sales pitches for get rich quick schemes.

Maybe it's because they think positively...or, perchance, it just could be that they are completely delusional to the point where they believe it will happen. When it doesn't materialize, they just move onto the next fantasy.

I guess that's just me being negative...

Anyway, back to the book. I read it not to get rich or be happy...just to better understand certain types of people and how fortune might favor them. It, along with the book Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell, has shed at least some light on the subject.

I did wonder if being an a$$hole is what it takes to get ahead in the world and if that's what we, as a society, are headed toward. In some cases, it does help, but, for the most part, people despise you in the long run. Then, there are some people who are fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time or born into the right situation as established in Outliers.

Anyway, after reading Kihn's book the other night, I realized that that's exactly the path I was headed down--and that's not me.

I was becoming a product of my environment and those close to me could sense it.

Recently, I asked my good buddy (lol...you know who you are) if I had seemed happier at one point because she's known me the entire time that I've been out here. She said yes. I further inquired as to what might be the point when that all started to change (and I was searching for a particular answer because I knew what it was).

She said it was when Yoko came into the picture.

And it was.

It was after that turning point when I started to notice exactly how delusional people were...and what assholes many others were.

Perhaps if I wasn't faced by it consistently, it wouldn't have been so bad and might have taken me longer to realize what a vapid town this really is. To see people vacillate between fantasy after fantasy on occasion with acquaintances and strangers is bad enough...to see it on an everyday basis is just unbearable.

And there's just no swaying them with common sense! Interesting case in point and a great anecdote to illustrate matters: In January of 2008, I recall telling people (even those in the financial industry!) that we were in a recession. All told me that I was crazy and threw the"technical definition" of a recession at me to dismiss my claims. Turns out that I was crazy. The recession actually started in December of 2007. My roommate recently made the point that two unemployed guys (us) sitting on couches in Las Vegas could see it happening but supposed intelligent people and financial wizards were oblivious.

As a result of attempting to persuade others to think with common sense, I was becoming an a$hole because the anger just started to boil up inside of me at their lack of being able to carry on civil discourse and instead adhere to their myopic, delusional view of the world.

I'd rather go back to being the "nice guy" and happy no matter what I'm doing.

So I'm going back to where it all started--my hometown of Pittsburgh. At least for now.

The Vegas experiment is coming to an end and it's time to forge a new path.

Is it the best move for me to discover a new beginning and continue learning about myself in the process?

In that respect, I'm positive!

;)

Leaving Las Vegas...?

"I'm standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win"
--Leaving Las Vegas, Sheryl Crow

Boy has it felt like this lately--that nothing I've done or tried to do to come out ahead has been right.

I wasn't one of those who came to Las Vegas with dreams of striking it rich in my head or any other similar delusions. I moved here because I was simply tired of winter and couldn't bear the thought of another year digging myself out of a monster snowstorm.

The first 10 months here were great. I enjoyed the weather, sat by the pool and had time to watch baseball in the summer after my good friend and roommate arrived. I had sublet half the place but was here all alone from October of '06 to June of '07 and then on his "sabbatical" from work, we relished the good times.

Then, something went awry...and it wasn't an immediate change, but a gradual one. It began when he asked his girlfriend to move in.

Many who know me are well aware that I referred to her as "Yoko" from the moment she set foot in the place. I have an innate feeling about people and just knew that this was headed down a path of no return and it wasn't a sweet one like in Candyland.

"I foresee terrible trouble
And I stay here
Just the same"
-Dirty Work, Steely Dan

But I stayed because those who know me also know that I'm pretty easy to get along with--except with morons.

Yoko=moron.

It's not that she doesn't have a good heart...she does...when she wants to use it and there's not something shiny off in the distance to distract her. That shine would be from a pipe dream. Actually, there have been several since she moved in. From desperately wanting to win an AVN award to potential mortician, she's been like a pinball, vacillating between one elusive ridiculous career after another.

But even that's not the source of the irritation.

What I noticed about her, I started to notice among other inhabitants of Las Vegas--bright lights, big city=big dreams with no follow through. This is not to say that all that live here are like this, but the majority of people can best be described as delusional dreamers. For some reason, many here think that they can become a celebrity of some sort. While a lot don't, they still seem to find themselves falling into money and opportunities willy nilly.

And I look at them--those who don't work but still have a cornucopia of cash--and wonder "What am I doing wrong?" I'm not being egotistical when I confidently say that I'm more intelligent than these people.

Then again, am I? Because they're certainly finding some way to be comfortable if not downright wealthy.

It's not that I'm envious. I don't mind working, but I never seem to reap the same fruits that they do for doing absolutely nothing.

Not only is it the fact that people fall bass ackwards into cash here. There are many here that, for some reason, think that rules don't apply to them because they live here. Everyone else is invisible to them because they want what they want and NOW! "I want to get in that lane!"--so they just swerve over. "Screw holding the door for someone. I have places to be!"--and off they go.

I think it's the combination of these things that has really made me unhappy over the past year and a half.

I recently asked a good friend of mine if I was always this bitter. She said no. I then asked if she would pinpoint my change after Yoko arrived. She said yes.

So I started thinking about it and yes, that was about the time things started to go downhill.

I was out the other day with friends watching the football game. I left the table for a few moments and when I came back, I noticed my seat had been taken (odds pointed to the guy at the next table). I really wasn't sure if I should be angry with him for not even asking to take it when there was clearly an indication that someone was sitting there or with my friends who should have been watching. For the next half hour I seriously debated whether or not to take the guy at the next table's face and drive it straight into his pilsner glass, watching while shards flayed his skin until it hit the table. I opted to let my anger abate...because I'm a peaceful man...lol.

After the game, I ended up heading back home. When I opened the door to the condo, a wave of heat not unlike an inferno hit me. I immediately went to the thermostat and she had it up to 80! I looked in the dog's dish and saw half the water was gone. Since it was so hot, I couldn't tell whether he drank it or it evaporated!

At that point I knew...that was it for me and this living arrangement.

So I e-mailed my roommate who's been halfway across the country working for the past year and told him that I'll be packing my things and leaving.

Now...where to?

See, there are a few things I like about Las Vegas: the proximity of it to California and Arizona, the beautiful weather (save for this current chilly winter) and the fact that I can pretty much get whatever I want 24/7.

However, it is expensive to live out here and since I'm currently looking for a job in this stellar economy, does it really make sense to stay? Unless you're making huge amounts of money, there's little chance you'll find a quality place without having a roommate. Well, I've been that route and I find that I prefer to live alone.

So my options are:

1)Stay and struggle where I despise the arrogant residents (most not from the state of course, but west of Nevada...lol) and try to find a place of my own...

2)Store my things and head back to see family for a little while until I figure out what my next move is...

3)Just pack up and go, maybe moving back to the city where it all started--Pittsburgh, my hometown, to get an apartment there.

I have several weeks to see what might transpire and give it one last ditch effort...but it seems bleak that anything can take this loser hand and make it win...

These are the thoughts that plague me into the wee hours of the night...

"When all the world's asleep
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man"
--The Logical Song, Supertramp

Especially when I'm out around midnight holding in my hand a bag of warm poop*...

*Note...the poop is from the dog, not me...I haven't gotten to that point yet! ;)