Leaving Las Vegas...?

"I'm standing in the middle of the desert
Waiting for my ship to come in
But now no joker, no jack, no king
Can take this loser hand
And make it win"
--Leaving Las Vegas, Sheryl Crow

Boy has it felt like this lately--that nothing I've done or tried to do to come out ahead has been right.

I wasn't one of those who came to Las Vegas with dreams of striking it rich in my head or any other similar delusions. I moved here because I was simply tired of winter and couldn't bear the thought of another year digging myself out of a monster snowstorm.

The first 10 months here were great. I enjoyed the weather, sat by the pool and had time to watch baseball in the summer after my good friend and roommate arrived. I had sublet half the place but was here all alone from October of '06 to June of '07 and then on his "sabbatical" from work, we relished the good times.

Then, something went awry...and it wasn't an immediate change, but a gradual one. It began when he asked his girlfriend to move in.

Many who know me are well aware that I referred to her as "Yoko" from the moment she set foot in the place. I have an innate feeling about people and just knew that this was headed down a path of no return and it wasn't a sweet one like in Candyland.

"I foresee terrible trouble
And I stay here
Just the same"
-Dirty Work, Steely Dan

But I stayed because those who know me also know that I'm pretty easy to get along with--except with morons.

Yoko=moron.

It's not that she doesn't have a good heart...she does...when she wants to use it and there's not something shiny off in the distance to distract her. That shine would be from a pipe dream. Actually, there have been several since she moved in. From desperately wanting to win an AVN award to potential mortician, she's been like a pinball, vacillating between one elusive ridiculous career after another.

But even that's not the source of the irritation.

What I noticed about her, I started to notice among other inhabitants of Las Vegas--bright lights, big city=big dreams with no follow through. This is not to say that all that live here are like this, but the majority of people can best be described as delusional dreamers. For some reason, many here think that they can become a celebrity of some sort. While a lot don't, they still seem to find themselves falling into money and opportunities willy nilly.

And I look at them--those who don't work but still have a cornucopia of cash--and wonder "What am I doing wrong?" I'm not being egotistical when I confidently say that I'm more intelligent than these people.

Then again, am I? Because they're certainly finding some way to be comfortable if not downright wealthy.

It's not that I'm envious. I don't mind working, but I never seem to reap the same fruits that they do for doing absolutely nothing.

Not only is it the fact that people fall bass ackwards into cash here. There are many here that, for some reason, think that rules don't apply to them because they live here. Everyone else is invisible to them because they want what they want and NOW! "I want to get in that lane!"--so they just swerve over. "Screw holding the door for someone. I have places to be!"--and off they go.

I think it's the combination of these things that has really made me unhappy over the past year and a half.

I recently asked a good friend of mine if I was always this bitter. She said no. I then asked if she would pinpoint my change after Yoko arrived. She said yes.

So I started thinking about it and yes, that was about the time things started to go downhill.

I was out the other day with friends watching the football game. I left the table for a few moments and when I came back, I noticed my seat had been taken (odds pointed to the guy at the next table). I really wasn't sure if I should be angry with him for not even asking to take it when there was clearly an indication that someone was sitting there or with my friends who should have been watching. For the next half hour I seriously debated whether or not to take the guy at the next table's face and drive it straight into his pilsner glass, watching while shards flayed his skin until it hit the table. I opted to let my anger abate...because I'm a peaceful man...lol.

After the game, I ended up heading back home. When I opened the door to the condo, a wave of heat not unlike an inferno hit me. I immediately went to the thermostat and she had it up to 80! I looked in the dog's dish and saw half the water was gone. Since it was so hot, I couldn't tell whether he drank it or it evaporated!

At that point I knew...that was it for me and this living arrangement.

So I e-mailed my roommate who's been halfway across the country working for the past year and told him that I'll be packing my things and leaving.

Now...where to?

See, there are a few things I like about Las Vegas: the proximity of it to California and Arizona, the beautiful weather (save for this current chilly winter) and the fact that I can pretty much get whatever I want 24/7.

However, it is expensive to live out here and since I'm currently looking for a job in this stellar economy, does it really make sense to stay? Unless you're making huge amounts of money, there's little chance you'll find a quality place without having a roommate. Well, I've been that route and I find that I prefer to live alone.

So my options are:

1)Stay and struggle where I despise the arrogant residents (most not from the state of course, but west of Nevada...lol) and try to find a place of my own...

2)Store my things and head back to see family for a little while until I figure out what my next move is...

3)Just pack up and go, maybe moving back to the city where it all started--Pittsburgh, my hometown, to get an apartment there.

I have several weeks to see what might transpire and give it one last ditch effort...but it seems bleak that anything can take this loser hand and make it win...

These are the thoughts that plague me into the wee hours of the night...

"When all the world's asleep
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man"
--The Logical Song, Supertramp

Especially when I'm out around midnight holding in my hand a bag of warm poop*...

*Note...the poop is from the dog, not me...I haven't gotten to that point yet! ;)