I...(part three)

...seem to be perceived by many as some sort of joyless ogre with the inability to find even the smallest pleasures in life.

This simply isn't true.

Ok, well not totally true. ;)

Admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of holidays (as you could probably glean from my last post), for example, but I remember a time when I used to be.

I can recall my college days when I'd walk through the mall in Milwaukee, soaking in the decorations and the bustling of people to and fro. The sights, sounds and smells of the Christmas season were, in many ways, intoxicating and festive.

Even for several years after college, I can still remember enjoying Christmas to some extent. Up until a decade ago, I used to decorate. Hell, I'd decorate for Halloween up until about 3 years ago!

As the years roll on, however, and you've seen hopes dashed time and time again, promises broken and everything letting you down, how can you not let a pessimistic attitude usurp a somewhat positive one? As a result, you have less and less desire to do anything to celebrate and therefore have to find other things that make your time worthwhile.

That's why I now try and take pleasure in some of the little things in life--discussing/arguing football with Chad...watching Hollie watch Lost as the story unfurls (still in the 3rd season so plenty of surprises await!)...talking about life and enjoying 80s music with Scott and Brenda...laughing at inside jokes with my cousin Jon...

...and reading.

Lately I've been reading Stephen King's Under The Dome, a nearly 1100 page opus that spans perhaps a week of time as residents of a small town are inexplicably trapped by the sudden appearance of...well, the title lets you know what. I look forward to reading it before bed nearly every night (except those rare occurrences that I'm out and the vision's a tad blurry from a few libations) and can't wait to get to the end.

However, on the flip side, knowing that as I write this, I'm less than 150 pages away from the ending, there exists a tinge of sadness because I know that the same excitement I've had about getting back to the story will soon be over.

Maybe it's because the premise of the story resonates with me since I feel as if (at least for the past 2 years and especially the last 9 months) I've been trapped...though maybe not inside a dome. It sometimes feels as if there's an ever constricting box and no matter how much I strain or push against it, it won't budge an inch.

That's why it's time to think outside that box and consider what lies just beyond the walls. So far, old methods of trying to escape haven't worked so perhaps I'll try a different train of thought.

Until then, the (somewhat) "joyless ogre" remains and the longer he does, the less you might want to expect good cheer from him.

Being confined tends to create that monster.