I...(part six)

...hold these truths to be self evident:

I sometimes really enjoy caramel corn. Then again, sometimes I don't.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spend an exorbitant amount of time wondering what's going through my dog's head. Take, for example, the other day when I was walking him. I had little else to do but watch him and have my own imaginary conversation while we merrily strolled through the neighborhood filled with errant noises, dogs aplenty and other miscellaneous adventures. This is what I was able to come up with in terms of his thoughts:

Faster. Faster! Gotta get there. Stop. Have to shake out the kinks. All better. I'll pee here. What's that smell? Keep moving. That rustling bag just freaked me out. Kind of chilly. I could really go for sniffing ass right about now. Time to pee again. Nope. Poop. Fuck you other dog! That sewer seems interesting...maybe I'll take a sniff and...CHRIST WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!? Better get out of here. What's in there? Maybe I can fit my head through the fence. I'll look up at that guy. Keep up will ya! Run with me damn it! Time to eat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I often find that I'm nearly completely invisible to the human eye and deaf to the human ear...which is okay most of the time since I really have little interest in interacting with them anyway. It would be nice if sometimes people would listen, though, or even allow me the right of way in traffic. At least animals look forward to seeing me so I've got that going for me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm not meant to be wealthy. Can't win at betting, hitting the lottery or even making money by working hard. For Christ sake, I can't even win more than $100 on Deal Or No Deal online...and that's FREE! Glad I know how to bargain shop because that's the only way I'll save cash.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I truly believe that I'm the star of some Truman Show style otherworldly, heavenly or cross dimensional (depending upon what you believe) sitcom entitled "Screw That Guy" and am in the midst of drawing record ratings as my life continues to entertain those viewers. Instead of that movie's constant question (How's it going to end?), they're using "When's he going to finally snap?" for mine.

In kind of a related anecdote (since Jim Carrey was in The Truman Show too), I think one of the most surreal moments ever was when I was on a date to see The Mask and this scene came on with me singing along in the theater:



My date turned to me, brow furrowed and looking perplexed and asked: "Why is it that you know the words to Cuban Pete?" I'm almost positive that was the last date we had. Good because if you have to ask, you probably wouldn't understand why I know half the things I do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are maybe 10 people I enjoy having conversations with on a regular basis.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone came up to me at work the other day, plopped this book down in front of me, and asked if I could tell her what it was about. I said it was a parody. She said, "What?" I repeated myself since I didn't think she heard what I said. She then replied, "I don't know what that means."

She was in her thirties.

Then again, if you're reading Twilight related books, you're probably not too bright anyway.

Americans are a lot dumber than they think they are. That accounts for Sarah Palin's book being #1 on the bestseller list.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm frightened by the fact that Palin also reads her own audio book.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I absolutely love a good snowfall...if I don't have to go anywhere until it melts.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I miss authentic bakeries, old used books stores (not chains, though I love Half Price Books), small independent theaters, drive ins and mini golf places.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't agree with a recent statement someone made that "this is the best time to be alive because it's history in the making". I'll expand more on this thought soon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's at least one to three places (but no more) where you live that you feel comfortable hanging out at. Even that changes if you move and come back. I don't even step into the places I used to go to years ago here. In Vegas, I loved BW3s, Martini's and PT's Pub (in that order). Here, I just don't feel at home at Bdubs. I can't explain why. It's just the way it is. So I found new places.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever happens, happens. 2010 will be pretty much like 2009. Some shit you think will happen, won't. Plans you made will fall by the wayside. There will be some surprises (both good and bad) and life will go on. Or it won't. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.